I really should be asleep.
But it’s sort of like the morning before you go to Disneyland for the first time as a kid, y’know?
My first book is published today. It’s one of those things I always dreamed would happen but had no idea how it would. Then I learned how it could happen, and wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Then it sort of just fell in my lap and God was like, “Ok, child. You need to do this now.”
This journey has had several mind-blowing themes for me. Dare to dream… to believe God when He says, “I have plans to give you a hope and a future… No one can imagine what I have planned… I am doing a new thing…” Answer His call to abide in Him and follow Him, to trust Him and overcome fear…
I’ve been sitting here a few minutes. Now I’m thinking it is a little less like Disneyland, and a little more terrifying and full of responsibility.
Words in print feel quite permanent. You can’t go back a few weeks later, after suddenly realizing you didn’t really mean to say this, or imply that, or you don’t actually think (fill in the blank) anymore, and edit it to say what you really meant to say. It’s just THERE. In people’s hands. And they’re reading it, and you aren’t there sitting there with them to explain or clarify if needed. Some of the best writing wisdom I ever got was, “Write not to be understood; write to be not misunderstood.” That weight feels a little heavy when you’re vulnerably sharing parts of your life. Even heavier when you’re handling Scripture.
I am a little scared at what “the critics” might think… but honestly, whatever they have to say, I’ve probably already said it to myself.
I think I have to choose to see beyond the temporal here. To look beyond myself, and realize that in the grand scheme of God’s plan for the universe, my book is not really that important. God’s glory is important. His story is important.
Father, You know the tears and hours that went into this book. You know that it only happened because You brought me through. Please use the broken pieces of my life to create something beautiful that points others to You. Please cover over my mistakes and help others to grant me grace, as I am constantly so in need of it. Please keep me humble and receptive to Your instruction. Lord, be glorified. Let us see You for who You are. Help us to see ourselves in light of Jesus, and to grasp who we are in Him. May we love You with abandon.